As a single mom who dates and does in fact have a wonderful boyfriend I felt like this is something that needs to be said to all the men out there who are dating single moms. This in no way a reflection towards anyone, more of a general letter to men. 🙂
Hats off to you because dating us is not a easy fucking job! In fact its very difficult, very sticky, exhausting, a lifestyle change for some men and down right impossible somedays. But one thing you have to remember is you are most likely dating there most independent, amazing, passionate woman you ever will because she knows how to get through life and is a very strong person. A single mom is STRONG. She runs her own home, pays her own bills, is a teacher, a chef, a nurse and a big heart. She lacks sleep, worries a lot about doing the right thing, gets little to no time for herself, runs her own errands, is more than likely raising an amazing child or children because some GREAT people are products of a single mama home and she has a full time job. So remember we are people too and we deserve you to do your best to understand and respect us. So to all you amazing men dating a single mama this one is for you…..
Dear Courageous Boyfriends Dating Single Moms:
You came into her life and you may or may not have known what her world was about. You may have thought it wasn’t a big deal dating a single Mom or maybe you were scared. Your life may have been so different before meeting her. You didn’t have to worry about anyone else’s schedules, activities, problems or the day to day drama. You probably thought your two very different lives may intertwine one day.
What you don’t know about her is she doesn’t have time to worry about her fears. She has children who look up to her for guidance, love, encouragement and support. She has no choice but to move forward. She doesn’t even know what that looks like, but she keeps going day after day. She breaks down once in awhile when she is by herself. She cries but wipes her tears away and keeps moving forward. Her primary concern are her children and making sure they know they are loved endlessly. She worries about their brokenness, their worries, their fears and their success.
She wakes up and thinks of her children. She says a quick prayer as the day starts that protection and love surrounds her children today. She quickly says a prayer for strength to get through the day for herself. She prays for you too that you are protected. She does the daily drop off at school and goes on with her day. She sits in front of her computer focusing on her career as so many ideas run through her mind. In the meantime, her fears overwhelm her with all the “what if’s.” She pushes those fears away and refocuses.
What you don’t know, she fears of failing again in love. She fears of loving you. She fears that she isn’t a good Motif she does. She fears that she isn’t a good partner. She hurts for her children. She must be both Mom and Dad for her children. She is the sole provider for her children. She fears she isn’t enough. She fears she isn’t good enough for you. You see, you may have made different decisions in your life. They may have been better decisions for you. She reflects on her decisions and holds on to the best things that came out of her decisions in her life, her children.
She can’t beat herself up for her struggles, she has children that look up to her and she knows no matter what her past decisions were, she must succeed. She must be an example to them, so in the future, if they fail they see their Mom chose forgiveness, strength, perseverance and looked to God for guidance.
You see there isn’t a greater love then she has for her children. They are what motivates her to be the best version of herself. She is showing them that if you fail, you must get back up. It doesn’t matter if you have to start over again, it matters if you choose to let it get the best of you or if you choose to use it as a stepping stone to continue your journey. Through it all, she will love her children regardless if they fail because that is what Mom’s do. Her heart loves unconditionally, her love is endless, and you may not understand. But, this is what drives her to not look back at her past but to focus on her future.
You may look at this “re-start in life” as a weakness but it is her greatest strength. She overcame the fear of starting over. She has overcome so much more than you may ever know. She opened her heart to love again, to love you. She may be far from perfect, she may not have the best of things, but she has the best heart. She has a heart full of love and her determination and motivation will get her through her days. She is the rock, she is the strength that her children need.
She can love you all, but she will not look back at her past and dwell on it. She will move forward, and she will cherish what her past has blessed her with and grow from the mistakes that her past has taught her. She may still be a little broken, but she is healing, and she thanks God for bringing you into her life. She will appreciate and cherish what you bring into her life. You are giving her something more than what she lost. She may be a mess at times, she may break down but love her through it, don’t put her down.
A small accomplishment to you may be a huge accomplishment to her. A small step forward to you may be a huge jump to her. Be patient with her as she grows. She is pulled in a thousand different directions but at the end of the day her love continues to be fierce. Remember, she may have not chosen the easiest path, but the plan God has for her is far greater than she imagined. This was his plan for her, love her through it. Words can break her, choose your words carefully, choose words to uplift her and encourage her. Choose to be her partner if that is what you wish, choose to grow together and to explore the endless possibilities.
You see, she is a child of God and she is loved. She will choose to embrace her past, she will choose to grow and learn from it and she will work towards her future and embrace a greater love. Her past will never define her. The pain she once felt will be her greatest gain.
Make no mistake, her love will be like no other. Her courage to fly through life’s storms will lead her to the person who can handle this strength. She will succeed and her unconditional love will be a blessing and what you have longed for. She knows what it is to be without someone, without materialistic things, she knows what it means to scrape by. She doesn’t need anyone in her life. She has come to the point where she wants someone in her life. Embrace this strong single mother, she has a strength that very few possess. She is the woman who was made strong, she was a fighter and she will always be a woman who picks herself up.