It has been months since I have opened my macbook. I’m sorry. Life has gotten away from me, time is going too fast, I have been working on many shoots so I have content for you & I am just flat out exhausted from it all lets be honest.
Recently I woke up VERY early like 6am after working until 3am that night and took the little man down to the beach to enjoy some serious play time, donuts and lots and lots of Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Why did I do this? Why did I give up sleep that I clearly need? It’s simple. Memories & laughs thats what being a mom is all about for me. You see a lot has changed over the last few years, one of them being my career. I made the decision to put my career as a serial entrepreneur on hold for awhile. Websites & branding made me happy every day but then something happened. I realized there was something more important in my life and everything else can just screw off.
I’m a stay at home mama and proud of it. I “gave” up a lot of things for this and I live no regrets. I can hands down tell you that this was the smartest and best decision I could have made as a mom. I am absolutely not knocking you working moms I am simply saying that me home is what we both needed. When I left my ex husband I knew that staying home was my answer, I knew Rowan wasn’t going to grow up with him in the picture. I was all he had and he was going to need mom and I refuse to miss out on anything.
What being a single stay at home mom means? It means I work three jobs to give my son the life he so deserves. I work nights bartending, spend my days managing a few apartment complex’s, blogging when I find time & nanny during the day. Why do I work so much? Well I don’t get a second coparent or income from his sperm donor. Hell, I don’t even see child support! I really don’t care to see a dime if it means he stays away from the best thing I have ever done. Why you ask? Why do I sound so mean? The truth hurts. One thing I have never gotten into is…why I am a single parent. DRUGS, DRUGS AND DRUGS. Plain and simple he choose drugs over his family and now we all three will pay for the rest of our lives. My son sure as hell shouldn’t have to suffer should he?
This tent was sent to us from Lightspeed Outdoors and I’m very obsessed. When we go to the beach it comes in handy so he can escape the sun for a bit and the importance of being able to set up easily and quickly without help is BIG. Make sure you check them out they have some very smart products for the outdoor family.
So here I am living a real & simple life with my son (and boyfriend Ryan of a year a half). Nothing is glamorous, nothing is fake and nothing is bull shit. Sometimes the days flat out freaking SUCK! My two and half year old throws a tantrum pretty regularly about nothing, okay its something to him but you get it. I spend my free time walking the aisles of target spending my hard earned money on crap we may or may not need. I lock myself in the bathroom and breakdown and cry at least one or two times a month. But my days are amazing. I spend everyday taking my child todo something fun whatever his heart desires to be honest. Why? He is my baby boy and I want him to experience everything in life even at the age of two. He is learning, talking and growing and being out helps him do all of those things. Our days are spent at the mall, coffee shops, lunch or dinner dates, Disneyland, Legoland, a museum, park, play date, aquarium or even something random like picking strawberries. We do it all and I have no regrets on staying home.
I would have to say that this particular morning was every little boys dream. Firetrucks, donuts and the beach with mama.
A few weeks ago I was looking at preschool for him. I needed a break. My boyfriend needed a break. We had been fighting for months. Living with someone is hard, like really hard. Living with a child whom you didn’t create is hard. But I’ll tell you one thing, that man is strong and amazing. He isn’t just my boyfriend, he is who Rowan looks up to, and a father figure to him.
The point is being a stay at home can sometimes suck because you don’t get a break. It can be hard with no breaks and being the one who has to endure the long bad days and the amazing ones where you get to enjoy life adventures with the tiny human you created and grew in your body!
I have learned a few things about being a stay at home mom.
1. To embrace my yoga pants- I always said I wouldn’t be the mom in yoga pants & nike’s. Ha the universe is laughing in my face.
2. My child runs the house and he is a mean asshole at times!
3. You take no time for yourself like EVER.
4. You spend most of your day saying NO & chasing a child around the house with a messy face or hands.
I wouldn’t change a dang thing about staying home. I will embrace it all until the day he starts school because lets be real you can’t get the time back.
Photography: KATHERINE ELAINE PHOTOGRAPHY